Of Hairgels and bells
by Fluorescens
Summary: What happens when captains fight over hair gels? Crack on high! Zaraki, Hitsugaya, Byakuya...


**Of Hairgels & Bells &... **

* * *

"Kusajishi fuku-taichou!" Ikkaku yelled out as the minute-sized shinigami busily lifted up her hand in acknowledging gesture.

"Don't stop me! I'm busy!" The 11th division vice-captain dashed past him in a blur of pink and black _and_...

"Huh?" Ikkaku frowned and rubbed his shiny, bald head (and in the meanwhile checked whether there was any disturbing and annoying re-growth). He was sure that he had heard the distinct twinkling sounds of what seemed like bells to him.

"Yo!" Yumichika gave a hard whack on his shoulders, which earned a ferocious, and possibly death-inducing stare from Ikkaku.

"What are you staring at? Pretty girls?" Yumichika batted his long lashes and gave a languid, vain smile. Ikkaku responded with a silent, violent tug at his bright yellow eyebrow instead.

* * *

"KEN-CHAN!" Yachiru slammed the doors shut, ran to her most beloved person in Soul Society and bounced straight up onto his laps.

"Don't worry! Yachiru will help!"

The 11th division captain tried to smile at her, but what she got instead was a leery smile that showed most of his pointed, dangerous-looking teeth. Of course, she did not mind at all, and thought that he looked rather endearing to him.

Yachiru hopped off his laps onto his bed (which was actually just a raised wooden table with a piece of bright _pink_ cloth over it) and ordered, "Ken-chan! Sit on the floor!"

Zaraki Kenpachi nodded quietly and grunted a little as he tried to fold his legs in.

"NO! Ken-chan, lower, lower!" Yachiru pushed his head down while Kenpachi glared ominously at the tatami-covered floor. And after some struggling and hassling as to who was too tall or who was too short, they finally settled into their rightful positions.

Yachiru stood proudly on his table-bed, while Kenpachi crouched like a miserable old dog and wondered whether he would be able to straighten his neck later.

"Oi, you sure this will do?"

She nodded her head and hummed a silly tune that he always heard when she was happy. But then again, she was always happy; and he was _almost_ always happy. Kenpachi decided to rest his chin on his knuckles and pondered over his sorry plight.

The store in Rukongai, the one who always secretly supplied his hair gel and small little twinkle bells had closed down. He suspected that Hitsugaya might be in a fix too, but he was not interested in asking that brat-genius for help. Afterall, he was the strongest and most-feared Zaraki-taichou! The one who eliminated the previous 11th captain right before their very eyes, the one who accomplished much even without knowing the name of his Zanpakutou!

Kenpachi let out a low growl-like sound, and wondered how the blood of that store-owner would taste like.

Yachiru continued her humming (La Di Du) and whipped out the things she had stolen from the 10th division. Two tubs of super-strength hair gel (with several strands of white hair still stuck to it), a big, long comb (that could comb her own hair in one shot if she tried) and a mini-hair dryer.

She smiled a little to herself as she pulled out the pouch of bells from her pocket. She had scoured the area but could not find any bells at all, not to mention little silver bells that Ken-chan loved so much. But today was her lucky day, because she bumped into Rukia all flustered (well, not really since she was a little angry too) and she had asked her why. And after explaining her 'urgent' predicament to Rukia, the recovering shinigami had given her a small pouch (which she had stolen from Yuzu sometime ago) of bells.

Small bells in an array of bright, rainbow colours that ranged from neon pink, flashing green, dazzling blue, eye-hurting yellow and bloodied red.

Yachiru fingered the crimson bell, "Ken-chan! You will like this!"

The 11th captain growled again, "Just hurry up! I have a meeting later Yachiru!"

She pulled his limp black hair hard, which caused his eyes to involuntarily roll back momentarily, "Ken-chaN!"

And finally, she started on his hair.

* * *

"Zaraki?" Ukitake tried to keep his face as straight as possible. The 11th division captain ignored Kyouraku's weird smiles and got to his usual place. Yachiru stood proudly beside her Ken-chan and ignored the constant side-glances that Ise vice-captain was giving them.

Not long, captains and vice-captains started to fill up the room and it was Hitsugaya who had caught Kenpachi's eye.

His usually spiky hair, was limp and flat and shine-less. Definitely.

Yachiru clapped her hand over her mouth and giggled. Shunsui's eyebrows went up and let out a soft 'ah'.

"Taichou, it's really not that bad..." Rangiku tried to comfort her captain but was ignored for her goodwill.

"Yachiru, did you steal anything?" Kenpachi's voice was non-assuming. He _had_ to.

The pink-haired vice-captain merely giggled again. And it was then when Hitsugaya turned his head to Zaraki.

"ZARAKI!" The 10th division captain drew out his zanpakutou and lunged for Kenpachi who was three times his body mass (and height), and who also instantly blocked the attack with his own zanpakutou.

"You fucking took my hair-gel! Do you know how precious that is! Those were my last 2 tubs!" Hitsugaya glowered while his face turned so red that it contrasted nicely with his white swaying-hair.

"Taichou! Calm down!" Rangiku went up to pull her captain away, while Ukitake and Kyouraku struggled with Kenpachi. Yachiru stood by the side, raising up her hands while shouting "Go KEN-CHAN! Go go go!"; Nanao and Kira were shocked beyond words and were hugging each other for some comfort and form of sanity.

Had things gone downhill, that much after all that? Was Aizen so important to all of them?

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! I can even see my white hair stuck onto one of that stupid bells!" Hitsugaya roared.

"The bells are NOT STUPID!" Kenpachi roared back, too.

"Yes, they are not stupid! Go Ken-chan!" Yachiru bounced up and down as she cheered her captain on.

"Oi, are these bells stolen too?" Kyouraku flashed a side grin at Yachiru while he and Ukitake wrestled with Zaraki. When Yachiru told them it was Rukia who gave her the bells, Ukitake appeared genuinely shocked (at Rukia's taste of colours, that was) while Byakuya coughed.

But it was not loud enough to get their attention and the 6th captain cleared his throat as loud as possible while maintaining that expressionless-face. When Rangiku finally managed to squash her captain's head in between her Valley of Heaven, Byakuya stepped up, between the 10th and 11th captains and said, "Please do not disgrace yourselves and me. Before Yama-jii comes in (in which Kyouraku blinked), stop this senseless stupid fight."

"IT'S NOT STUPID YOU IDIOT!" Zaraki bellowed while Hitsugaya tried to breathe.

"Oh you mean the colourful bells on your hair are not then?" Byakuya was cool, collected and smooth.

"The bells are pretty! Especially the neon pink ones!" Yachiru defended 'her' bells while Rangiku laughed merrily. Ukitake coughed hard and wondered whether he had swallowed a neon pink bell by accident while he was restraining the half-crazed Zaraki.

"I have three tubs of that hair gel," Byakuya said quietly.

All stilled.

Hitsugaya finally managed to pull his face out from the Valley of Death and stared incredulously at the 6th captain, "You... you have.. it?"

He nodded. Kenpachi scowled, a little. Ukitake knew that he had indeed swallowed a bell while Kyouraku heard flowers singing in the dead of winter. Kira eyes popped out like never, while Nanao diligently took off her spectacles and rubbed it with her floral-printed handkerchief.

"I need a hair-dryer too," Hitsugaya lowered his head and glared at Yachiru. The pink-haired vice-captain stuck out her tongue and made threatening fists at the 10th captain.

Byakuya let out a silent sigh; the things he had to do for the sake of peace...

"I have two Phillips 300-watt hair-dryer."

Kira promptly fainted, Rangiku's breasts did pop out from her haori and Nanao broke her spectacle-frame.

"We need Aizen," Kyouraku told a choking-Ukitake.

* * *

Crack. P 


End file.
